Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
