TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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