y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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