I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
