There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
