apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
