I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
