I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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