So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
