Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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