Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
