In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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