the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
