How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
