Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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