my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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