I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
