the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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