Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
