remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
