yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
