i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
