oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
