toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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