Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
