my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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