You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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