Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
