Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
