Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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