ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
