I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wear drunk well.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
