its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
