I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
