I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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