Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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