Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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