how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
