it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
