you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
