Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
