Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
