I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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