Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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