His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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