Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
