I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
