Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
