he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
