We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
