Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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