And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
