my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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