That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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