it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
