Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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