so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
