you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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