i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
