believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is Oprah even human
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
