She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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