Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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