And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
