I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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