somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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