the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
