My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
