We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
