hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am midnight drunk by noon
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize