i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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