I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
