His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
