Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
is wine microwaveable?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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